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Mediation usually takes place between separated parents when they cannot agree on what arrangements should be in place for how their children share their time with each of them.  However we should not forget another important potential participant to the mediation process and that is the child themselves.  Where a child is of an appropriate age and understanding, parents are encouraged to give them an independent voice in the process.  This can provide both the information and the incentive for parents to work together on an agreement that meets the needs of their child and puts their happiness at the centre of any decisions.  Today we set out 5 important things to bear in mind when considering whether your child should be given a voice in mediation:

1. Talking to someone independent

Children can feel caught in the middle when parents separate and can struggle with divided loyalties. For this reason, when children are given a voice in mediation, their discussion with the mediator takes place without either parent present.  It gives them a chance to talk about their wishes and feelings without the pressure of either parent being there.

2. A conversation without emotional pressure

A child has the right to express his or her wishes without pressure or repercussions.  When we are asked to see children, we do so on the understanding that neither parent will prime the child about what to say, and they also agree not to reproach or cross question the child afterwards either.

3. A safe and confidential discussion

The conversation between the mediator and the child is confidential between them. The child will have a discussion with the mediator about what they do or do not want the mediator to relay back to their parents following that meeting.  This gives the child a safe space to talk freely and leaves them with a sense of being respected and listened to.

4. Removing pressure about decisions

Seeing a child and giving them a voice is not the same as putting them in control of the decisions that need to be made. We explain to children that the decisions will still be made by Mum and Dad but that they are central to those decisions and so their input is recognised as valid and important.  This helps a child to feel loved and cared for without feeling the pressure of having to make the adult decisions or take responsibility for what should happen.

5. The voice of the child as a catalyst for change

In our experience, the input form a child in even the most entrenched case can bring about a vital shift in the progress of the mediation. It can act as a wakeup call to parents when they hear things from their child’s perspective.  Children add honesty and reality to the discussions when parents have become too focussed on their own rights and wishes, and have lost sight of the wider picture.

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For further advice please contact one of our Family Law experts.

This article is for general information only and does not constitute legal or professional advice. Please note that the law may have changed since this article was published.