Understanding Parental Alienation: A Guide for Families
22nd April 2024 by Gemma Burden
Every year, April 25th is Parental Alienation Awareness Day. It’s a day that might not stand out on many calendars, but it’s incredibly important for many parents and children affected by parental alienation. For those who have felt the pain of a growing distance caused by inexplicable hostility between them and their child, this day underscores the importance of raising awareness. This day aims not only to recognise the problem of parental alienation but also to encourage discussions that help parents and caregivers spot the signs and find solutions.
Understanding Parental Alienation
What is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation happens when one parent manipulates a child into having negative feelings towards the other parent. It goes beyond a child simply preferring one parent over the other. This is a form of emotional abuse that’s not always easy to spot and can cause lasting harm.
Recognising the Signs
Your child’s behaviour seems different: You may see a sudden change in your child’s behaviour, showing negativity or fear towards you or relatives.
Coached or ‘Black-and-White’ Thinking: Your child might repeat negative words or opinions about you with a confidence and firmness that’s not typical for their age.
Unexplained Hostility or Avoidance: Your child may start acting distant or aggressive, showing a sudden fear of being around you or doing daily activities you used to enjoy together.
The Impact of Alienation on Children
Parental alienation can seriously harm a child’s emotional development and mental health. It may cause problems like depression, substance abuse, and difficulties in building healthy relationships later in life.
Long-term Psychological Effects: Parental alienation can cause severe psychological harm, leading to issues like low self-esteem, anxiety, and a distorted sense of reality in relationships.
School and Social Impacts: Children struggling with parental alienation often face challenges in their academic performance and experience difficulties in their social relationships.
Breaking the Cycle of Alienation: By getting help, parents can reverse the effects of parental alienation and offer their children a healthier, more balanced perspective.
Steps for Reconciliation
Facing the challenge of alienation can be tough. It takes courage and an understanding approach. Here’s how you can fix and strengthen your relationship with your child.
Seek Professional Help: A counsellor or family therapist, acting as a neutral third-party, can help a child rebuild a positive relationship with the parent they’ve been estranged from.
Prioritise Emotional Connection: Despite the challenges, keeping the connection strong through simple acts like writing notes, giving gifts, or doing activities together can really help.
Legal Advice: If things escalate, consulting with a family lawyer or mediator may be necessary. Laceys can provide the expertise you need, offering experienced legal advice and support tailored to your situation.
Reinstating Trust: Family Mediation
When relationships are tense, mediation offers a structured way for both parents to talk safely. Laceys Mediation team are accredited family mediators, qualified in child inclusive mediation and signatories to the MOJ Family Mediation Voucher Scheme. Here’s how mediation helps:
Creating a Safe Environment to talk: Mediation gives parents a space to speak and be heard without being judged.
Developing a Co-Parenting Plan: With the help of mediators, parents can create a co-parenting plan that respects the rights and roles of both parents in their child’s life.
Focusing on the Well-being of the Child: The main goal of mediation is always to ensure the child’s welfare, and all decisions are made with that in mind.
Understanding the underlying issues: Mediation can help both parents explore why parental alienation might be happening and look to find ways to improve trust and allay any fears.
Legal Pathways to Reconciliation: Family Law
When dealing with complex emotional issues like parental alienation, you may want to talk to a family law solicitor. Laceys Family team can help through various ways, including;
Legal Safeguards for Non-Custodial Parents: The legal system offers ways for parents without custody to take action if they think their child is being kept away from them.
Appointing a Guardian for a Child: Upon representations from the parents it may be possible for a Guardian to represent the interests of the child themselves and to take instructions from that child. This representative ensures the child’s perspective and interests are accurately conveyed, especially concerning their experiences with an absent parent. This approach prevents any narrative dominated solely by the parent with whom the child currently lives. Additionally, securing Legal Aid as part of this process can be instrumental in obtaining further expert assistance for the child, offering more comprehensive support.
Court-Ordered Therapy: In extreme cases, the court may order therapy for the family to address the alienation directly.
Revisiting Custody Arrangements: The court has the power to review and modify a child’s living situation, including decisions on whether a child should stay with a parent who has caused estrangement from the other parent. Such adjustments are made when deemed beneficial for the child’s well-being.
If you think your ex-partner is turning your child against you, it’s important to get advice as soon as possible. Acting quickly and getting mediators or lawyers involved can be key to solving the problem and getting back to a good co-parenting relationship. If you want to talk to one of our family law experts, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
For Family Mediation please call 01202 377993 or mediationinfo@laceyssolicitors.co.uk . For Family Law please call 01202 377800 or email info@laceyssolicitors.co.uk
Gemma Burden
Partner — Mediation
Direct dial: 01202 377993
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“As it was mediation for divorce I was worried just how complicated it would be but it was all handled well by Gemma who put my mind at ease and explained everything well. Thank you. ”
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“Gemma was able to help us narrow the issues between us so we could focus on resolution. I feel she treated us both equally and professionally.”
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“Gemma seemed to quickly understand our situation and acted accordingly and in what I felt with best interest.”
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“I was very happy with Gemma Burden. She was very clear and to the point. Gemma Burden was very good at staying neutral. This must be very hard sometimes. She is very professional and is very good at explaining all points in mediation. I would recommend Laceys Mediation to all. I would give Gemma Burden top marks in all aspects of mediation and she has my thanks.”
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“Having used Laceys before, it was an easy choice to use them again. Gemma was professional, polite and thorough. An absolute credit to the company.”
Gemma is the head of our mediation department and a Family Mediation Council Accredited lawyer mediator. Gemma qualified as a solicitor in 2000 and joined Laceys in 2001. She has specialised in family law since qualifying as a solicitor and has worked full time as a mediator since 2009.
Gemma is qualified in all areas of family mediation, including divorce and financial settlements, child arrangements and property disputes between cohabitees. She is also qualified to see children as part of the mediation process. Gemma is able to draw on her legal expertise when helping couples work out complex financial settlements and new parenting arrangements.
In her spare time Gemma likes to spend time with her family, especially her dog who never answers back. Her chosen stress beaters are running, swimming and the beach.
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